Handling Emotions and Expressing Feelings in Relationship Essay Sample

I – Definition of feeling:

In psychological science. feeling is the perceptual experience of events within the organic structure. closely related to emotion. The term feeling is a verbal noun denoting the action of the verb to experience. which derives etymologically from the Middle English verb felen. “to perceive by touch. by tactual exploration. ” It shortly came to intend. more by and large. to comprehend through those senses that are non referred to any particular organ. As the known particular variety meats of sense were the 1s interceding the perceptual experience of the external universe. the verb to experience came besides to intend the perceptual experience of events within the organic structure. Psychologists disagree on the usage of the term feeling. The predating definition agreements with that of the American psychologist R. S. Woodworth. who defines the job of feeling and emotion as that of the individual’s “internal province. ” Many psychologists. nevertheless. still follow the German philosopher Immanuel Kant in comparing feeling to provinces of pleasantness and unpleasantness. known in psychological science as affect.

II – The importance of showing feelings in relationships:

David Johnson. in the book “Reaching Out: Interpersonal Effectiveness and Self-Actualization” . clearly states that “Feelings are potentially extremely constructive since it is through sing and showing feelings that close friendly relationships are built and maintained. ” This statement merely shows how of import feelings are to any relationship.

Why are feelings so of import in relationships? Because communicating is at the bosom of relationship and feelings are at the bosom of effectual communicating. When we are able to pass on at the feeling degree. we can extinguish much of the misinterpretations that occur in most relationships. Your quality of life can be greatly improved through the experience and look of feelings. Therefore. if you know how to show your feelings every bit good as manage them efficaciously. you can keep and develop your relationships.

1 ) Stating what you feel:

Feeling the heat. support. credence. and lovingness of friendly relationships or other relationships is one of the most exciting facets of being alive. And feelings are particularly fantastic when they are shared with other people. One of the most rewarding facets of relationships is sharing personal feelings. The more you portion your feelings with other people. the happier and more meaningful your life will be. Yet we are non given much preparation in how to show feelings in such a manner that there will be small opportunity of misconstruing.

To see emotions and show them to another individual is non merely a major beginning of joy. it is besides necessary for your psychological wellbeing. It is natural to hold feelings. The capacity to experience is every bit much a portion of being a individual as is the capacity to believe and ground. A individual without feelings is non a individual at all ; he or she is a machine. The quest of persons who truly enjoy life is to experience a greater scope of emotions and to construct relationships in which emotions are aroused and allowed positive look. Feeling and showing caring for another individual. feeling and showing love for another individual. even experiencing and showing anger toward another individual are all potentially extremely honoring and beautiful experiences.

The tabular array below shows some common feelings that you may hold in relationships: |abandonment |despair |helplessness |nervousness |sorrow | |anger |discouragement |horror |overjoy |stubbornness | |anxiety |disgust |humiliation |overwhelm |taken of granted | |betrayal |dread |indecisiveness |panic |terror | |bitterness |effort unreceived |insecurity |peeved |unsupported | |blaming |failure |jealousy |pride |unworthy | |conflict |fear |lack of control |rejection |vulnerability | |confusion |forlorn |longing |resentment |wishy washy | |creative insecurity |grief |lost |sadness |worry | |crying |guilt |love unreceived |self-abuse |worthless | |defensiveness |hatred |love self-esteem |shame | | |depression |heartache |lust |shock | |

Feelingss are internal physiological reactions to your experiences. It is frequently hard to show feelings. Whenever there is a hazard of being rejected or laughed at. showing feelings becomes really hard. The more personal the feelings. the greater the hazard you may experience. It is besides sometimes hard to command your look of your feelings. You may shout when you don’t want to. acquire angry when it is best non to. or even laugh at a clip it disturbs others. Expressing feelings suitably frequently means believing before you communicate them.

Having feelings is a natural and joyful portion of being alive and being human. Feelingss provide the cement keeping dealingss together every bit good as the agencies for intensifying the relationships and doing them more personal. The accurate and constructive look of feelings. furthermore. is one of the most hard facets of edifice and pull offing your dealingss with other people.

2 ) When feelings are non expressed:

We all have feelings about the people we interact with and the experiences we portion. but many times we do non pass on these feelings efficaciously. Problems arise in relationships non because we have feelings but because we are non effectual in pass oning our feelings in ways that strengthen our relationships. There are several troubles that arise when feelings are non recognized. accepted. and expressed constructively.

1. Suppressing and denying your feelings can make relationship jobs. If you suppress your feelings. it can ensue in increased struggles and barriers that cause impairment in the relationship. For illustration. the hubby came home tardily without account. annoying the married woman angry. As the annoyance is suppressed. choler and struggle between them may ensue. 2. Suppressing and denying your feelings can interfere with the constructive diagnosing and declaration of relationship jobs. Keeping a relationship requires an unfastened look of feelings so that troubles or struggles can be dealt with constructively. 3. Denying your feelings can ensue in selective perceptual experience. When feelings are unsolved. your perceptual experiences of events and information may be affected. Unresolved feelings tend to increase unsighted musca volitanss and selective perceptual experience. For illustration. if you are denying your choler. you may comprehend all hostile actions but be wholly blind to friendly overtures. 4. Suppressing your feelings can bias your judgements. It is common for people to decline to accept a good thought because person they dislike suggested it. or to accept a hapless thought because person they like is for it.

If you are cognizant of your feelings and pull off them constructively. you will be far more indifferent and nonsubjective in your judgements. 5. Implying a demand while showing your feelings can make a power battle. Many times feelings are expressed in ways that demand alterations in the receiver’s behaviour. If person says to you. “You do me angry when you do that. ” she is indirectly stating. “Stop making it. ” Or if a friend says. “I like you. you are a good friend. ” he may be indirectly demanding that you like him. When feelings imply demands. a power battle may ensue over whether or non the demands are traveling to be met. 6. Other people frequently ask you to stamp down or deny your feelings. A individual may state. “Don’t feel that way” whenever you express a feeling. If you say. “I feel depressed. ” he will state. “Cheer up! ” If you say. “I’m angry. ” she will state. “Simmer down. ” If you say. “I pess great. ” she will state. “The roof will undermine in any minute now. ” All these answers communicate: “Don’t experience that manner. Quick. alter your feeling! ”

III – How to show feelings in relationships:

There are two ways of pass oning feelings: verbally and non-verbally. If you want to pass on clearly. your verbal and your gestural look of feelings must hold or be congruous. Many of the communicating troubles experienced in relationships arise from giving contradictory messages to others by bespeaking one sort of experiencing with words. another with actions. and still another with gestural looks. Carefully believing and taking the most effectual manner to show feelings. therefore. are really of import.

1 ) Expressing feelings verbally:

Most experts agree that unfastened communicating contributes to good relationships. However. one of the most awkward things about sharing strong feelings with another individual is acquiring started.

When you want to show your feelings. you foremost necessitate to acquire the attending of the other individual involved. You have to pick a clip and topographic point when the other individual truly wants to hear your feelings. Then you need an effectual manner of acquiring your message across. These factors are particularly of import when the other individual contributed to the manner you feel.

For openers. you could state something like:
– I’d like to speak with you about… Is this a good clip?
– I’ve got a job – could I portion it with you?
– Something’s trouble oneselfing me. May I talk with you about it?
– I need your aid on…
– I’m truly experiencing ( hurt. scared. angry. sad. worried. excited… )

a ) You-messages versus I-messages:

You-messages

Some ways to show feelings are non helpful because they intentionally threaten people. One of the most common of these uneffective attacks is called the you-message that onslaughts and blames another individual for your feelings. For case: – You make me so huffy!

– It’s your mistake I’m depressed.
– You hurt my feelings.
– You’re emphasizing me out.
Such messages set the province for countermove. A individual on the having a you-message frequently gets defensive – he/she does non truly hear your feelings.

I-messages

The better pick for you is utilizing I-message. This is a manner that gets your point across without assailing the other individual.

I-messages are responsibility-taking messages. They do non assail. incrimination. ridicule or knock – they merely portion how you feel: – I feel hurt when you talk to me that manner. It seems as if you don’t care. – When I’m pushed. I feel stressed. I can’t run into your clip agenda and I think you expect me to.

I-messages have to make with allowing another know he/she is impacting you. whether you feel good or experience as if he/she is stepping on your toes. The person’s behaviour may be go againsting your rights or lending to your emotional province.

I-messages are easy used with some expressions:

1. When… ( province the behaviour that you find annoying ) Ex-husband: “When we make programs to pass clip together and you change your head at the last minute…” 2. I feel… ( province how you feel about the effects the person’s behaviour has for you ) Ex-husband: “I feel disappointed…”

3. Because… ( province the effects of the person’s behaviour for you ) Ex-husband: “…because I was looking frontward to our clip together. ” When you send an I-message. you are being respectful to the other individual every bit good as yourself. You communicate an purpose to excite cooperation. non rebellion or conformity. B ) Other ways to show feelings verbally:

When you are incognizant or unaccepting of your feelings. or when you lack accomplishments in showing them. your feelings may be communicated indirectly through:

1. Labels: “You are ill-mannered. hostile. and self-centered” & gt ; & lt ; “When you interrupt me I get angry. ”

2. Commands: “Shut up! ” & gt ; & lt ; “I’m annoyed at what you merely said. ”

3. Questions: “Are you ever this loony? ” & gt ; & lt ; “You are moving queerly. and
I feel disquieted. ”

4. Accusations: “You do non care about me! ” & gt ; & lt ; “When you do non pay attending to me I feel left out. ”

5. Sarcasm: “I’m sword lily you are early! ” & gt ; & lt ; “You are late ; it has delayed our work. and that irritates me. ”

6. Blessing: “You are fantastic! ” & gt ; & lt ; “I like you. ”

7. Disapproval: “You are awful! ” & gt ; & lt ; “I do non like you. ”

8. Name Naming: “You are a weirdo! ” & gt ; & lt ; “You are abashing me. ”

Such indirect ways of showing feelings are common. But they are uneffective because they do non give a clear message to the receiving system. Here are four ways you can depict a feeling.

1. Identify or call it:

– I feel angry.

– I like you.

2. Use centripetal descriptions that capture how you feel:

– I feel stepped on.

– I feel like I’m on cloud nine.

3. Report what sort of action the feeling urges you to make:

– I feel like embracing you.

– I feel like slapping your face.

4. Use figures of address as descriptions of feelings:

– I feel like a stepped-on frog.

– I feel like a pebble on the beach.

In general. you describe your feelings by placing them. A description of a feeling must include: 1. A personal statement – refer to “I. ” “me. ” “my. ” or “mine. ” 2. A feeling name. simile. action impulse. or figure of address.

2 ) Expressing feelings non-verbally:

Gestural looks of feelings account for approximately 65 per centum of all societal significances given to our communicating messages. Gestural looks include the manner you dress. your position. organic structure tenseness. facial looks. grade of oculus contact. manus and organic structure motions. tone of voice. the sum of physical infinite between you and the other individual. fluctuations of address. and any sort of touch. Gestural looks may be confounding or ill-defined. For illustration. a bloom may bespeak embarrassment. pleasance. or even ill will. Our gestural perceptual experience of a person’s feelings must be checked with what he/she is truly feeling. A individual may be stating one thing. while his organic structure says another. For illustration. the instructor says. “I ever have plentifulness of clip for my pupils. ” while peeking at the clock and seting documents into a briefcase. The hearer gets a “mixed” message under these sorts of fortunes. and the gestural message normally speaks louder than the verbal message.

IV – How to manage feelings in relationships:

Expressing feelings is a good manner to construct and keep relationships. However. you may besides acquire problems in those relationships when you can non manage your feelings expeditiously. In other words. when you lose control and can non set your feelings. your relationships with others may be threatened. even split up or interrupt. Managing feelings in relationships. therefore. is much-needed. These following are some effectual ways to manage feelings:

1 ) Identify and acknowledge the feeling. Name the feeling. Repeat the feeling.

Ex-husband: “There’s a batch of concern ( defeat. fright. etc. ) right now. ”

2 ) Validate the feeling. It is one of the most utile attacks.

Ex-husband: “It makes a batch of sense that you feel baffled ( sad. worried. etc. ) right now. ”

3 ) Don’t reassure excessively rapidly. Reassurance has its clip but normally comes much later in treatments.

4 ) Stop giving more information or inside informations. Be unfastened to being with the feeling.

5 ) Resist stating: “Just quiet down. ” or “Don’t concern. ”

6 ) Respond to the beginning of the feeling. non to the show.

Ex-husband: Say: “Hearing this new information about your boy seems to be disconcerting. ” Don’t say: “You don’t need to acquire so disquieted. Your effusion is non assisting the state of affairs. ”

7 ) If you are unsure or experience cautiousnesss about discoursing feelings. get down with a disclaimer:

– I’m wondering if you might be feeling… ?

– I could be incorrect. but it seems like you might be feeling… .

8 ) View feelings as normal facets to organizing relationships.

9 ) Remember that feelings can be our “best friends. ” They are indicants to pay attending. It is of import to reframe the feelings and see the positive purpose behind the feelings.

Mention

1. hypertext transfer protocol: //www. energyhealingpartner. com/wpcontent/uploads/2011/08/Definition-of-Emotions. pdf

2. hypertext transfer protocol: //www. britannica. com/EBchecked/topic/203754/feeling

3. hypertext transfer protocol: //www. athealth. com/consumer/disorders/expressfeelings. hypertext markup language

4. hypertext transfer protocol: //www. Ces. ncsu. edu/depts/fcs/pdfs/fcs2764. pdf

5. hypertext transfer protocol: //comn2311. thetalkpage. com/additional_readings/ExpressingFeelingsverbally. htm

6. hypertext transfer protocol: //www. literacyaccessonline. org/ttaconline/Resources/SS2010/EffectiveWaystoHandleFeelings % 20soft % 20border. pdf